Thursday, May 28, 2015

60 Minutes: Cartoon Edition Part 1

The following program is brought to you by The Letter Z, The United Federation for Animation Rights aka U.F.A.R.,and by this commercial:
American!Link is prepping for action and adventure.

American!Link: I am sooo Ready to kick some Underworld butt. And once I'm done,I'm gonna get some sweet lovin' from the Princess. Oh man,I can't wait!

Nintendo!Princess Zelda arrives with a Snickers bar.

Nintendo!Princess Zelda: Here Link,eat a Snickers.

American!Link: How about a kiss instead?

Nintendo!Princess Zelda: Just eat it,ok. You're not yourself when your hungry.

American!Link takes the Snickers bar and eats it.

Nintendo!Princess Zelda: Better?

Nintendo!Link smiles and nods.

Snickers: Satisfy Your Hunger!
*stopwatch ticks*

Optimus Prime G1: Robert Iger is CEO of the famed Walt Disney Company,but is he also the one leading it to ruin? We will get the inside scoop from Disney's employees.

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Optimus Prime G1: Before the complete desicration of the Hub Network in 2013,there was a great little block called,Huboom. We will be investigating the method behind the madness that terminated this once potential loaded block.

*stopwatch ticks*

Optimus Prime G1: Plus,The Rise and Fall of Saturday Morning TV. Does it really need to make a comback? all this and more on 60 Minutes: Cartoon Edition.

*stopwatch ticks*
Are you tired of Network Executives giving Classic Cartoons the finger? Are you tired of Corperate Assholes cutting great Cartoons short? Are you tired of all of the good Cartoons getting replaced by bad ones?

If you are,then it's time to support/join The United Federation for Animation Rights.

We at U.F.A.R. are all about supporting Cool Cartoons and Damning those who hate them.

So Network Executives,Corperate Assholes,Soccermoms,FCC..Look out,your Mortal Enemies have appeared! And we won't stop until you're put in you're place.

U.F.A.R: Fighting For Animations Future One Crusade at a Time.
*stopwatch ticks*

Optimus Prime G1: Welcome back. I am Optimus Prime G1,your host for this special edition of 60 Minutes. In this special,we will be taking a look at 3 interesting Cartoon related topics. Before we get to them,I'd like to introduce my 3 guest journalists,3 men that I have personally chosen to handle this task.

*transitions to Wolverine*

Wolverine (animated series): Yo Bubs,Wolverine here. I'm the number 3 guy on the X-Men team. My specialty is Slicin' N' Dicin'. I also have a temper,so don't cross me,Bub!

*transitions to Tom 3.0*

Tom 3.0: Hey guys,Tom 3.0 here. You may remember me as the Host of Toonami...well former host. Tom 5.0 runs Toonami now. I've been unemployed for years,so it's great to be working again.

*transitions to Mega Man RS*

Ruby-Spears Mega Man: Yo,I'm Mega,also known as Ruby-Spears Mega Man..and sometimes called Mega Man RS. I love fighting strong opponents and training hard for my next encounter with Dr.Wily. I'm glad to be here.

*transitions back to G1 Optimus*

Optimus Prime G1: I hope everyone is pleased with my choices. Now,as you know,The Walt Disney Company is  famous for many things,especially for its excelence in animation. However,in recent times everything seems to be going to hell for that company. And it's all thanks to,Robert Iger,Disney's own CEO. Wolverine has been investigating this madness.

*transitions to Wolverine*

Wolverine: When one thinks of Disney,they think of Quality. Sadly that hasn't been the case since Bob Iger took office. He's turned the once Magic Kingdom into a Souless Empire of Ignorance and Greed. He even treats the Mouse like Crap,putting him in Pre-School shows. Now that's just wrong,Bub. You don't treat your famed mascot like a kiddie character,it's disrespectful. *sigh* Anyway,I went to Disney City to get some thoughts,and even the inside scoop,on Bob Iger's handling of Disney.

*Dr.Drakken and Shego*

Dr.Drakken:If you ask me,Bob Iger is a disgrace of a CEO. He makes stupid decisions all for the sake of making a quick buck. Hannah Montana Mania is one of the best example. Uncle Walt would be ashamed.

Shego: Ugh! Did you have to remind me of Hannah Montana Mania? Jeez Drew,now I'm gonna be sick for a week.


Fu-Dog: Bobby Iger is a stupid bastard,y'know. He refuses to acknowlage that the old school cartoons are great. Naturaly,the coolest among them is "American Dragon Jake Long". Why isn't that show airing anymore? Answer: 'Cuz Bob Iger Sucks Puppy Crap. And another thing,I'm so Sick of the cool newer animated shows getting a screw job. Fact: Tron:Uprising and Motor City were 2,000 x Superior to Jessie AND Zack and Cody AND Wizards of Wavery Place.

*Daisy Duck*

Daisy Duck: The man is a grade 'A' jerk,who can only make the right decisions when he's forced too. Let us all hope and pray that the upcoming Ducktales Reboot isn't a Pre-School show. God help us if it is.

*Oswald The Lucky Rabbit*

Oswald: So,I return home to Disney and only star in 2 games..that's all. No Cartoons,no Movie,no nothing. Just 2 video games,one of witch was hated by every american game critic. After all the trouble Iger went through to bring me back home,This is how I'm treated? *sighs* I guess there's always Disney Infinity. I hope I make it in this time.

Wolverine: Of course those were the Native Disney guys,let's see how the Pixar-Bubs feel?

*Woody and Buzz*

Woody: Bob Iger's buisness model is terrible,ok. If he was any good at his job,Disney would be thriving instead of falling. Look,I've got nothing against the man personally,but I don't wanna see this buisness go under.

Buzz: Well spoken,Woody. For the good of all things Disney,Robert Iger Must be removed from power.


Frozone: I'm cool with my current employment,sure the boss ain't that hip,but the benefits and morale are fine. Wish more African-Americans got the spotlight,though.

Wolverine: Let's hear what my fellow Marvelites have to say about Iger?


Spider-Man: Iger sucks sometimes,but I don't think he's That bad. He's still focused on my Franchise,so at leasg I'm not being forgotten. I'd say that's a good thing.

*Jubilee of the X-Men*

Jubilee: I hate Iger and what he and his cronies have done to Disney. I also hate that he's totally ignoring X-Men. If I didn't know better I'd say he was Burying our Franchise.

*Black Widow*

Black Widow: At least he's not turning us into Princesses.

*Deadpool appears*

Deadpool: Amen to that,Sister. Besides,I look Terrible in drag.

*disgusted, Widow leaves*

Wolverine: Just who invited you?

Deadpool: Oh,I go where I want. Problem?

Wolverine: I have no time for your stupidity,Wilson. Leave!

Deadpool: Weeeellllll,I suggest you make time,Wolvie. Y'see I know the inside scoop on,Bobby Iger.

Wolverine: Spill it,Bub.

Deadpool: He's so damn greedy. All he cares about is Money. And he Effin' Rules for that. If he had homicidal tendencies and a bitchin' sense of humor,I'd concider him my Bro. Now where them sweet Princesses at? Deadpool needs to get his freak on. Aw,Hell Yeah!

*Deadpool leaves*

Wolverine: I don't always agree with that nutjob,but he has a point. It has been well known that Bob Iger does love Money and has done some atrocious things just for a quick buck,like Drakken said earlier. Money corrupts as does power,both of which Iger has. But 'Moneyhungry'isn't the Only thibg Bob Iger has been accused of. Some even branded him a Racist. I spoke with 3 "minority" members of the Disney community.

*Penny Proud*

Penny Proud: I think Both Bob Iger and Anne Sweeney are a bunch of Racist pricks. For one,they never re-aired the Proud Family once it ended. And on toppa that,Under Iger,Disney has had no True Black Star Power. No,Tiana don't count because she's just another generic Disney Princess. Nick Fury,Falcon,Powerman,ect don't count either,cuz they Marvel,not Disney. Same goes for Mace Windu of Star Wars. I mean,yeah,Eisner and Walt didn't give us too much Black Stars either,but that ain't the point,since they weren't Racist. And besides,their Eras are over. The Iger Era,sadly,is Now. Bob Iger and his Henchmen are Racist and only uses Blacks to "proove" that they ain't. And That's Fact.

*Mulan Fa*

Mulan: I don't hate,Bob Iger,but I Really wish we had more Asian Stars in The Disney-verse. And although,I don't hate the guy on a personal level,I Will have him assasainated if he Dares to whitewash the live-action Mulan movie!

*Princess Sofia*

Sofia:*shamefully* I'm not Hispanic. Bob Iger just said I was one to look appealing to Latinos. The man has no shame.

Wolverine: Shameful,Bubs. Just shameful. Racisim isn't the Only thing Bob Iger has been accused of. He's also been accused of Sexism too.

*Rogue of the 90's X-Men cartoon*

Rogue: The problem with Bob Iger is that he has a nasty habbit of placing Women in either Damsels in Distress Roles or as Pretty But Useless Roles. For the Walt Era,it's excusable since it took place in the 20's-50's. The 60-80's changed things up for the better. As or the Eisner Era,Michael Eisner did a decent job with Women's Roles,but he could've done a hellova lot better,hun. Now with Iger,Eisner's Successer,he just made things worse,even though he was supposed to make things way better. After all,it was the 2k years when he was put into power. Bob Iger made Women into stupid asses..especialy in the movies. I thank Lord Jesus,Almighty that the X-Men movies are Not being handled by Iger's Disney.

Wolverine: Ohh,Burn! We also talked to another gal,this one hates the way Disney is excluding females from their various toylines.

*Jessie of Toy Story*

Jessie: Why is it that Every Damn time that The Big D has a Toyline,they Always exclude the female figures? Answer: Bob Iger is Sexist. Sure you sometimes saw this with Eisner,but we are seeing this Full Force with Iger. God!

Wolverine: Sexist is right. But that ain't the only thing bad about Bob Iger. He also buries the Classics.

*Darkwing Duck and Launchpad McQuack*

Darkwing Duck: It's true that Bob Iger never airs the Classic Disney shows and after some investigation,I found out why....It's because he has no respect for them. Because of that, He's Worse than F.O.U.L.

Launchpad: Isn't that a bit harsh,D.W? Remember that you are getting a new comic series. So Disney still cares.

Darkwing: Always the optimist,eh Launchpad? Well,Iger was likely forced into making that decision.  He won't do what's best for business if he's not forced into it. I mean,my show needs to air again. Plus,I was gonna be playable in Disney Infinity,but Iger decided not to include me. He hates me deep down,because I am not from His era.

Wolverine: So the truth comes out. You heard it here folks,Bob Iger hates the classics,because they are not from His Era. What a Retard!

*Mikey Mouse*

Mickey: Darkwing is right,Bob doesn't care for the classics because they aren't from his Era. And sometimes he takes a classic Disney show or movie and reboots it into something stupid. Take Me for example. My next animated TV series is a Baby Show! A Damn Baby Show! We Already Have  Mickey Mouse series for Pre-Schoolers,we Don' Need or Want Another! Iger You Are A Bastard! A Very Stupid Bastard! Parden my swearing,but Me and my friends are just So Sick of being treated like 'Pre-Schooler' Characters. We hate Bob Iger. Walt woudn't have done this to us. No Way.

Wolverine: Poor Mouse. No Mascot should be treated that poorly. What Mikey said though transitions into the next question. Is Bob Iger turning Disney,a mostly family focused company,into a haven for Little Kids? I sure think so,after all Disney Junior not only has a big block everyday on The Disney Channel,but it also has a 24-hour Network. Now some would blame Anne Sweeney for that decision,since she Was the President of Disney-ABC Networks. It was originally thought that,but as we found out with the current President Ben Sherwood,things remained the same. So it stands to reason,Bubs,that Bob Iger is the True Mastermind behind this Madness. The same thing can be said about the upsurge of Teen Sitcoms and Teeny Movies on the Disney Channel,It's all Bob Iger's doing and the Disney-ABC President is just a brainless Minion. So yeah,Robert Iger is a teeny-bopper fetishist too. The Disney Channel also airs teeny-bopper music videos,so theres further proof for ya. Dispite all the BS he's doing,however,Iger still has his supporters. Unfortunatly,we couldn't find any. So based on what you heard,Is Bob Iger Really Ruining Disney? The answer to that,Bubs,is a hard Hell Yeah! I'm Wolverine and this has been a blast,Bub. Back To Optimus Prime in the Studio.

*transitions back to G1 Optimus Prime*

Optimus Prime G1: Many thanks,Wolverine. Disney has become a souless,brainless monster under Bob Iger's control. He reminds me of Megatron/Galvatron in many ways. It's time for a short time out,but when we return,Tom 3.0 will take a look at 'Huboom:What Might Have Been!'

*stopwatch ticks*


RekkaDragonJay said...

Looking good, Stefan. BTW, I already came up with the slogan for U.F.A.R. and it's the same as my animated self that I will work on one day. "Fighting for animation, one crusade at a time!"

Stefan said...

I'll try to remember that next time. I'm working on part 2 now and halfway done with it.