Saturday, May 30, 2015

60 Minutes: Cartoon Edition Part 2

*A hand holds an Egg.*

Announcer: This is your brain!

*The hand opens the egg and dumps the yoke into a frying pan. The yoke starts to fry.*

Announcer: This is your brain on Reality Shows! Any questions?!

Reality Shows: Just Say No!

This Message was brought to by Modern Vintage Studios!
*Super Saiyan 2 Goku Son is having a difficult battle with Broly. Vegeta is watching from the background. Goku is sent flying and crash lands near Vegeta*

Vegeta: Things aren't looking to good for you,Kakarot.

Goku: *on the ground,weak* My energy is depleting fast.Who knew he'd be this awesome,huh? *weak laugh*. Hey Vegeta,you woudn't have any Senzu Beans on you,would ya?

Vegeta: Nope,though I may have something better.

*Vegeta presents Goku with a can of Brisk Iced Tea and tosses it over to him. Goku catches it*

Goku: Brisk Iced Tea? They still make this?

Vegeta: Just drink it.

*Goku gets up and drinks the iced tea and starts to power up into his Super Saiyan 3 form*

Goku: Oh,Yeah! Brisk,Baby!

*With energy fully restored,Goku rushes back into battle and beats the hell out of Broly*

Now That's Brisk,Baby!
*A CGI version of "Macho Man Randy Savage" is infront of a table with a bag of cookies*

CGI!Randy Savage: Ah,Cookies..the worlds most perfect snack. Not!

*CGI!Randy Savage pushes the cookies away and presents a box of Slim Jims. He takes one out*

CGI!Randy Savage: Now This is the perfect snack. Beefy,Spicey,and everything Nice-y. Yeah! Need a little excitement,Snap Into A Slim Jim! Oooh,Yeeaah!

*CGI!Randy Savage "snaps into a slim jim"*
*stopwatch ticks*

Optimus Prime G1: Welcome back. The Hub, or The Hub Network as it was sometimes called,was the most unique out of Discovery Comunications Networks. But,unfortunatly, it didn't stay that way for long. The Hub Network is now known as Discovery Family and it is nothing more than a generic Discovery Network. Anyway,during it's days of The Hub Network,Discovery Family had a sweet little weekday afternoon block called,Huboom. For more on this,here's Tom 3.0. Take it Tom.

*transitions to Tom 3.0*

Tom 3.0: Thanks,Prime. He sounds just like "The Big Guy",it's amazing. Anyway,what can be said about Huboom? It was an awesome weekday afternoon block packed with action cartoons...kinda like Toonami. Infact,Huboom was in transition to Be the next Toonami. But,sadly,it wasn't. Thanks to executive meddling,in September of 2013,Huboom was thrown out..never to be seen again. So,the trillion dollar question is: Why? Why get rid of somehing that made your Network great? Well folks,we're about to find out.

*Shipwreck from G.I Joe: Real American Hero*

Shipwreck: Ah,Huboom was a block that I really enjoyed. Bored out of my mind one day,Serpentor was on vacation so no Cobra,I decided to watch a little TV in the Joe Reck Room. I turned on the television and what did I see: lots and lots crap,man.It was like being tortured by Cobra,nothing good was on. But then Scarlett,of all people,came in and told me to switch to the Hub. I refused,because I hate baby shows. But after some persuasion,I switched to the Network.And to my surprise,I saw absolutely No baby trash. It was back to back Action Cartoons. I loved it. And from that day forward,I watched Huboom every weekday afternoon..right until it's untimely and unfair end.

*Scarlett from G.I.Joe: Real American Hero*

Scarlett: Huboom was the one thing the young and young at heart could look forward to each weekday afternoon on television. After all,it was the 1st Weekday Afternoon block since 2003. One of my favorite shows on the block,was Transformers: Prime. It was a cool reboot to G1.

*Snake Eyes from G.I.Joe: Real American Hero*

*Snake Eyes uses sign language*

Translator: I really liked Huboom. After Afternoon-Toonami ended in 2003,It was thought that there would never be another Weekday Afternoon Action Cartoon block again. But thanks to The Hub Network,that changed. Huboom became the greatest thing on that Network,because it provided a slew of great action cartoons. It was like Afternoon-Toonami had been reborn.

*Duke of G.I.Joe: Real American Hero*

Duke: To be honest,I don't watch television that much. I did see Huboom and I must say,I enjoyed what I saw. I even liked the G.I.Jke reboot,G.I.Joe: Renegades. Shame that show was cut short.

Tom 3.0: Of course the Joes weren't the only ones who loved this block. We talked to some more Huboomaniacs.

*G1 Galvatron*

G1 Galvatron: I will admit,I'm a fan of the old 80's G.I.Joe animated series and was interested in seeing the reboot. So I tuned into The Hub Network and watched it. The Mighty Galvatron was pleased about what he saw. I also like the fact that they made Cobra Commander a true threat rather than an incompetent bozo.


Moltar: Huboom was a great block. And a worthy spiritual successor to Toonami. Shame it was  ut in it's prime.

*Tatsurian the Unchained,aka Bob,from Kaijudo:Rise Of The Duel Masters*

Bob: I loved Huboom. The Only thing worth watching on The Hub was that Block..that and Kaijudo.

*Dan from Dan V.s.*

Dan: Huboom was one jem of a program block. In fact it,was one of the very few things on TV that I didn't hate. So when I found out that The Hub Network was dropping the block,I didn't go ballistic,oh no. Instead,I sent Discovery Communications a couple of letters,warning them if they didn't bring back Huboom,I'd Hunt Them All Down And Kill Them!!! What The Hell Is Wrong With Those People!!!

Tom 3.0: That was a great question. Now that we're done with the testimonials,It's time to get the answers we've been waiting for. Why Exactly Was Huboom Removed In The First Place? We have theories. But we also obtained some candidly shot audio of Nikki Reed,the then program director of The Hub,giving an interview sometime last year.

*transitions to a screen with Nikki Reeds photo*

Nikki Reed on the Audio: We were told by our superiors at Discovery, that they didn't feel that the nature of the block [huboom] was appropriate for the new direction the network was going in. For the new direction, they wanted to put our child and young girl demographic first and foremost,so we were told to scrap the block. I agree with their decision. That's why I didn't bitch to them about it *laughs*

*transitions back to Tom 3.0*

Tom 3.0: *sighs* So the truth comes out. Instead of doing what's best for business,Discovery does the exact opposite..appealing to a small insignificant minority. Turning a Family Network into a combination Kiddie and Girly Network is shameful. Simply shameful. Though this does raise another question though...Were they pressured into this pathetic deed? Possibly. But then again,Network Executives Are lacking when it comes to common sence. Let's see what the people think,shall we?

*Static Shock*

Static Shock: I get that you gotta give the kiddies a little somethin'-somethin',but what busts my brain is Why the Hell would you get rid of your highest rated program block in the prosess? Can't both action cartoon block and kiddie show block co-exist on the same network? I think they can.

*The Tick*

The Tick: But The Hub Network is supposed to be a for families,not for babies and girly-girls. What fiendish foolery is this?


Moltar: There was absolutely NO Need to turn the Hub into a Network for Babies and Girly-Girls. God! Besides,we already have Networks dedicated to that demographic and we didn't need anymore of those. This was horrid thinking on Discovery Communication's part.

*Dan from Dan V.s.*

Dan: Ok, Let me get this right. The main reason for huboom's demise was so That Discovery Could Make Their Own Version Of The Disney Channel?! *shouts to the heavens* DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS!!!!


Freakazoid: Aw,no fair. I wanted my show to be part of Huboom. Nut-Bunnies!

*Ryo of Wildfire from Ronin Warriors*

Ryo: I'll bet the FCC or those meddeling Parents Groups had something to do with this travisty....woudn't put it past them.

*Shipwreck from G.I.Joe: Real American Hero*

Shipwreck: Aw,I bet those ridiculous Parents Groups had a hand in this. Typical.

*Scarlett from G.I.Joe: Real American Hero*

Scarlett: 10-1 says that those Lazy Hypocrits,the FCC,are the true masterminds behind this. It's So like them.

*Nightwing from Batman:the Animated Series*

Nightwing: Discovery Communications is run by a bunch of Retards! 'Nuff Said!

Tom 3.0: Whatever the reason for Huboom's demise don't really matter at this point. The point is that it was Screwed and will never return. Which is a shame,because it was a great block and so many shows would've fit in. Shows like: Static Shock,Freakazoid,and The Tick. The possibilities were huge. A Host would've been cool as well. Ok,that's all that I have. Back to You,Optimus. Rest In Peace,Huboom. You are missed.

*transistions back to Optimus Prime G1*

Optimus Prime G1: Thank you,Tom. Without Huboom,the Hub Network began it's downward spiral..a spiral that continued until it's bitter end. Huboom shall be missed,it was a very entertaining and memorable block. Plus,it made The Hub Network more unique. Huboom even aired G1 Transformers. For the final story of the evening,We'll be taking a look at the Rise and Fall of Saturday Morning TV. That's Next on 60 Minutes: Cartoon Edition.

*stopwatch ticks*


RekkaDragonJay said...

Another good one, even with the Joes, Snake Eyes especially. Next time you do the "This is your brain..." segment, you think you do it with Sailor Mars in the style of Rachel Leigh Cook. I mean, throwing a fiery temper and breaking stuff sounds awesome! Any questions? :)

RekkaDragonJay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RekkaDragonJay said...

One more thing, when you do Part III, make sure you add the following things:

- Less advertising

- More ways to watch your shows, but animation is still not safe from the FCC and the moral guardians.

- Poor or middle class people stuck with regular TV because they couldn't afford cable, satellite and the internet and that's sad.

- People being forced to watch shows like Maury (aka Baby-Mama-Drama central) and all the "edutainment" programing forced down our throats.

It is not much but it will do. Hope it will help you in your next part. ;)