Saturday, June 6, 2015

60 Minutes: Cartoon Edition Part 3

*various clips of Phineas and Ferb,no sound,somber music*

They've entertained us for years with their nutty inventions and projects. They've made us laugh. They've made us cry. They've even made us think.

And now it's time to say good-bye. The Last Day of Summer is upon them and so is the end of their amazing adventures. This June it all comes to a close. Perry and Doofensmirtz will be gone as well. Their clashes will be remembered as both entertaining and funny.

Thank You,Phineas and Ferb! Thank You,Perry the Platypus and Dr. Doofensmirtz! Thank You,for everything! We will miss you!

Phineas and Ferb
We at The United Federation for Animation Rights don't just fight for Animation,we fight for what's right. In fact,We fight:

- For more ways to watch your old school shows.

- Against the FCC and the Various extreme parents groups,who are both lazy And hypocrytical.

- For the poor and middle class stuck with regular TV,because they can't afford cable,satellite,and the internet.

- For those who can't afford DVD or Blu-Ray

- For those who can't find Blu-Ray or DVD's of their favorite shows in their Area...And are too timid to order online.

- Against network executives,who think they know what's best.

-  For people being forced to watch shows like Maury (aka Baby-Mama-Drama central),Jerry Springer (aka Trash TV), and all the "edutainment" programing,because some assholish network executive fails to see the beauty of an afternoon block.

- For the people who've had Enough of Disney,Nickelodeon,And Cartoon Network.

- Against the Copyright Whores.

U.F.A.R.: Fighting For Animation,One Crusade At A Time!
Do you miss The Hub Network's weeknight block? Are you dissatisfied with Uplifting Entertainment and Familynet? And are you sick to death of Viacom's BS? If so,we have some good news for ya!

Introducing Anntena TV and MeTV! They bring the Retro Sitcom goodness all day,everyday. The Comercial breaks are short,so that's cool. And the best part is.....Absolutely No Reality Shows!!

So Rejoice,Retromaniacs,Your Salvation Is Here!

Check your local listings for these channels!
*stopwatch ticks*

Optimus Prime G1: Welcome back,everyone. If you grew up in the 80's and 90's,you likely have watched one or more of the various program blocks on Saturday Morning. For our final story,we will be taking a look at the Rise and Fall of Saturday Morning TV. We now go to our final correspondent,Ruby-Spears Mega Man.

*transitions to Ruby-Spears Mega Man aka Mega Man RS aka Mega..who's not there*

*transitions back to G1 Prime*

Optimus Prime G1: Um..Mega?

*transitions to Mega's location. Kim Possibls appears*

Kim Possible: Mega had to go fight Dr.Wily and Zero during the last segment,so the network sent me.

*transitions to G1 Prime*

Optimus Prime G1: Kim Possible?

*transitions back to Kim*

Kim Possible: The one and only. Don't worry,Optimus,I can handle this task.No Big,I can do Anything. Besides Ron and I used to love Saturday Morning TV.

*transitions back to G1 Prime*

G1 Optimus Prime: Hmmm. Kim Possible,I have faith in you.

*transitions back to Kim*

Kim Possible: Spankin'. Ok. *clears throat* The first Saturday Morning block was created by NBC in the late 1960's. Most of the shows consisted of Reruns of older cartoon series. Then in the 70's,CBS and NBC created their own SatAM block. Again those blocks were made up of reruns from older shows. By the Late-70's,however,original shows were being made for these blocks,some doubling as Toy commercials.

*Leonardo of the Original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Cartoon*

Leonardo: Most critics of 80's "Toy Commercial" cartoons are misguided.I mean, Just because the cartoon acts as a product ad,doesn't mean that it's terrible. Example,the first 7 seasons of The 80's Ninja Turtle Cartoon,sure it was used to sell toys,but it was still a very fun watch.

Kim Possible: And In the late 80's Fox entered the fray.

*The Tick and Arthur the Mothman*

The Tick: Ah,Fox Saturday Morning,what joyus times indeed. I loved Fox Kids and all of it's shows..especially mine.

Arthur: I still can't believe a grown man watched Saturday Morning Cartoons.

The Tick: Bite your tounge,Sidekick. Saturday Morning Cartoons are for everybody,not just the children.

Kim Possible: Of course not everything was spankin'. In the early-80's,many parents groups made a big stink about the content of some of the shows these blocks aired. They got most of what they wanted.


Freakazoid: Stupid Parents Groups ruin everythin.

Kim Possible: Despite the parents groups,Saturday Morning entertainment was still very fun. However,the FCC didn't think the parents groups went far enough. So in 1990,the FCC,along with congress,created the Childrens Television Act of 1990. This law made it mandatory for each and every Saturday Morning block to carry shows with educational value.

*Captain N*

Captain N: Well,at first the negative effects this law were nonexistant. Even after the law was strengthened in '96,the Childrens Television Act wasn't all that bad. For the most part you had more great shows than bad ones and the educational stuff wasn't that often.

Kim Possible: Sure their were no negative CTA in the short term,but in the late 90's and early 2000's,that's when things started to go south. The first to feel the effects were NBC and CBS,who turned their once spankin' SatAM blocks,into a haven of Pre-school and lame educational shows. Though,thankfully,we still had Fox Kids,Kids WB,and ABC's One Saturday Morning to fall back on.


Garfield: This was tragic. I mean,who in their right mind would enjoy that kind of entertainment?

*Nermal and Odie pass by with "I love educational TV" shirts on*

Garfield: Figures.

Kim Possible: The 80's and 90's were indeed the best time for Saturday Morning TV. But as the old saying goes,"the good times don't last forever". In 2002,Disney purchased Fox Family and everything related to it....including The Fox Kids block. One Saturday Morning became ABC Kids,and the transformation was horrible and it lost all legitness as a Saturday Morning Block. Kids WB was the Only block that remained..but not even It was safe.

*Batman Beyond/Future Batman*

Future Batman: Things were still pretty shwey for Kids WB in the early 2000's. Lots of great shows to watch and fun commercials too.

*Agent J from Men In Black: The Series*

Agent J: Everything was going fine until those stupid Canadian shows took over the block.

Kim Possible: What Agent J is refering to is that sometime after The WB Network became the CW Network in 2006,there was a high influx of Canadian Programming. Most of which was crappy. Infact,because of this,some consider 2006 the year that Saturday Morning TV died.


Dr.Drakken: Kids WB was such a glorious block,that sadly fell victim to executive meddling. With Kids WB in the hole,the only block that was on was 4Kids TV. *growl* And I Hate 4Kids Entertainment!

Kim Possible: That brings us to our next subject: 4Kids Entertainment. Soon after Disney bought Fox Family and Fox Kids,a company called 4Kids Entertainment bought airtime on Fox. They established the Fox Box,a Saturday Morning block that replaced Fox Kids.

*Sonic the Hedgehog from Sonic SatAM*

SatAM!Sonic: At first The Fox Box wasn't all that bad. But when it became 4Kids TV,then it got way passed ugly.

*Yugi Moto from Yu-Gi-Oh!*

Yugi: 4Kids had a very nasty habit of turning Anime that wasn't meant for kids into total kiddie fare. They Also remove any and all Japanese references from the Anime. That's kinda racist.

Kim Possible: In 2005,Fox Box became 4Kids TV. And in 2008,It merged with Kids WB to become The CW4Kids..many didn't like this.

*Michelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2k3*

Mikey: Now 4Krap had 2 Saturday Morning blocks. It was aweful,man. With ABC Kids in the hole,4Kids was the Only game in town. This lack of competition is totally unheathy.

Kim Possible: That's right folks despite the merger,4Kids still kept their original block on Fox. So now they were on both The CW And on Fox. Thanfuly,the Fox block would be canned in 2009. In 2010,The CW4Kids became Toonzai,a block that was mostly Anime. This block was bad.

*Tom 3.0*

Tom 3.0: This was blasphemy on 4Kids part. What they did was create a block that was like Toonami. 4Kids Entertainment creating a Toonami clone was a complete punch in the face to Anime fans And the Toonami faithful. They had No Right to Do This!

Kim Possible: Well,all evil/stupid deeds have their consequences. In 2011,4Kids Entertainment filed for bankruptcy and were forced go sell their assets,including their Saturday Morning block. Also In 2011,ABC Kids,which was crap to begin with,ended and was replaced with a block dedicated to educational programming.

*Spider-Man from Spectacular Spider-Man*

Spectacular!Spider-Man: Good riddence,4Kids Entertainment. We will never miss you.

Kim Possible: Saban Group purchased The Toonzai Block. And in 2012,they rebranded it. Toonzai became Vortexx and it wasn't any fact,it was worse. Shows like Justice League Unlimited,Power Rangers,Spectacular Spider-Man,and Dragon Ball Kai were all edited for the little kids.

*Papa Smurf*

Papa Smurf: This block was a disgrace to Saturday Morning Entertainment. Saban's best days are clearly behind them.

Kim Possible: Last year,in 2014,Vortexx was terminated and replaced with an educational block. Picking up on a pattern here,folks? So now,officially,Saturday Morning Entertainment had ended.

*Fat Albert*

Fat Albert: I loved Saturday Morning TV,it was a great way to start a Saturday. Hey,Hey,Hey! Shame that it's gone now.

Kim Possible: Despite ending in 2014,Saturday Morning Entertainment hit a sharp popularity decline in the Late 90's. This was due to multiple factors: More Outdoor Play,Video Games,Home Video and DVD,FCC Regulations,Fox Kids and Kids WB's Weekday Afternoon Blocks,The Gradual Loss Of Independent Cartoon Companies,and the Internet. Can Saterday Morning Entertainment be Revived? and Is It Worth Reviving? In the 80's and 90's Saturday Morning blocks provided youth with a unique experence,with shows that were exclusive only to those blocks. Today,thanks to stupid network executives,that just can't be a reality. And even if it was,it might turn out to be a screwed up abomination of a block. So No. Saturday Morning Entertainment shouldn't be revived. Nor would it be worth it in this day and age. Saturday Morning Entertainment will always have a special place in the hearts if those who experienced it in it's prime. It shall be missed. Back to you,Prime.

*transitions back to Optimus Prime G1*

Optimus Prime G1: Thank you,Miss Possible. That was an insightful report. Indeed Saturday Morning Entertainment is gone,but will never be forgotten. Anyway That's all we have for tonight. I want to thank our correspondents for doing a great job. And to those interviewed too. Thanks for watching this special edition of 60 Minutes. I'm Optimus Prime G1,bidding you all *transforms into vehicle mode and drives off* a farewell.

*stopwatch ticks*

(c) 2015


RekkaDragonJay said...

Well done, dude. But even if we got no more Saturday Morning cartoons or animation on regular TV no more, this wonderful medium is still in the crosshairs of the FCC and the Moral Guardians. I've learned that cable and satellite channels are not immune to the Moral Guardians, when channels like USA removed their cartoon blocks. It is just a matter of time till they go after animation on not just cable/satellite channels, but on the internet, too. From what I have learned in the years I've been on this Earth, is that history itself is repeating itself, and animation and everything retro/nostalgic are all paying the price. You can't have the future if we don't remember and cherish the past. And judging from the selected few who are manipulated by those corrupt business execs, mindless bureaucrats and preachy Moral Guardians, calling me a baby and such nonsense, they don't want the best of two worlds like we do. You can't have one without the other, know what I mean?

Stefan said...

Thanks,man. I tried making this special reminicent of Your 60 Minutes: Anime Edition. Judging from your reaction,I say I was a Success.

Anyway,you may be right about the moral guardians and polititions. As long as they,and currupt network executives,exist there is no hope